The Battle of Troy: Naruto Style!
by ninjitsu-sage47
Summary: Eh, like the title says.
1. Chapter 1

**... I don't honestly know what to say. This idea hit me, knocked me out, and refused to leave my head. Now I just gave myself another story to write DX But no worries, since the chapters won't be long, the updates will be more frequent. Hopefully. The book I based this story on is called "Song of Troy," Though it doesn't include the Golden Apple and the competing Godesses. Later parts I'll be using it as a reference.**

**Declaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own anything Troy related.**

The Golden Kunai

High in Mount Olympus, where lived the gods and goddesses, there was a wedding going on. All of the gods and goddesses had been invited to this wonderful occasion, (though nobody could remember who the wedding was _for_) and were all drinking merrily as the made toasts to one another, ate food so delicious that mortal teeth were deemed unworthy of it, and held conversations loud enough to shake the earth they were currently neglecting.

However, there was one god they did not invite. Well, actually a goddess. The other dogs... erm... gods, didn't want her there because of her tendency to start brawls and arguments. She was Eris, goddess of strife.

_Why was I not invited?_ She thought furiously, _Heck, even that snake-eyed pediphile of a god, Hades, was invited. _She stood hidden in a large tree just above the outdoor feast (great thing about being a god, you don't have to worry about whether or not your feast would get ruined because of rain) and glared at them all with blazing hate in her dark eyes, _All that free wine!_ She irritably pushed a strand of spiky purple hair out of her face.

When she had cornered Hermes, the messenger of the gods, she asked him where her invitation went, he told her that she had none, he told her that the others didn't want her there. He also told her that "Hermes is a good boy." No matter how many times other gods and goddesses have told him that he was a god, not a boy, he never seemed to listen.

_Oh, I'll show them._

Eris ((Anko)) grinned evilly before reaching into her trenchcoat and pulling out a golden Kunai knife. Holding it out in front of her, she used her goddess powers and made a few engravings on it, before turning to face the party.

"Have a nice party you bastards" She snarled before throwing the kunai with all her might into the thick of things.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In the thick of things was the King of the gods, Zeus, the Queen of the Gods, Hera, the Goddess of Wisdom and War, Athena, the Goddess of Love and beauty, Aphrodite, the God of the Sea and Sharks, Poseiden, and the God of Light and meteorites, Apollo.

The goddesses were currently having a civil conversation about the men and women they favored down on earth.

"- Oh yes, he captured my heart the moment I realized what a wily character he was! To bad he is also one of the laziest people on the planet-"

"Odysseus?"

"Yes Odysseus! Who else?"

"I don't know, maybe someone more ambitious?"

The Queen of the Gods sighed, she had lost more then half of what she had on her on some betting she made sometime during the feast, "I don't have time to seek out mortals to favor," Hera ((Tsunade)) said wearily. Athena ((Ino OO)) laughed and took another gulp of her wine, "That's because your always wasting your time forming punishments for your husbands lovers, both mortal and immortal." _Get a life Bitch_ she inwardly thought. Hera sniffed, but didn't answer. Aphrodite ((Sakura)) laughed also and began to talk about all of her favorite mortals.

Zeus ((Jiraiya... fitting somehow)) had stopped paying attention to the conversation an hour ago and was looking eagerly down at earth into some of the bathhouses that had no roofs that were made for his pleasure.

_Which willing bitch to bang now... it's nice to have such a wide selection_ He thought eagerly, looking down on some beautifully shaped women ploughing fields. Being able to change form always made wooing a lady easy. And the fact that no one dared slap the King of the Gods. The only thing to watch out for was his vengeful wife. Look what she did to his lovers, and even the immortals that helped him. Poor Echo.

Poseiden ((Kisame...)) had also gotten bored, and was currently making a ship in the the Egyptian Sea be attacked by three twenty foot sharks. Those bastards were suppose to sacrifice one of their beautiful sixteen year old daughter to him in return for smooth sailing. But did they? Noooo. So now they had to pay. He gnashed his sharp teeth together excitedly as he watched two of the men get devoured by his sharks, and the third begging for mercy. He withdrew his sharks and had them circle around the remains of the ship. The man, taking this as an act of mercy, immediately leapt aboard a dingy and began to paddle ashore.

He never made it. You wrong Poseiden, you don't get second chances. Though you have a much better chance of surviving if you are in favor of one of the other gods or goddesses.

Apollo ((-ahem- Deidara)) was making little bird sculptors out of special clay and was sending them down at different parts of the earth as meteorites. He was well worshipped in the city of Troy as most of the Asia Manor. So his fireballs usually avoid the area. Usually.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a golden kunai thudded into the table before Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite.

Confused, Hera reached over and pulled the knife out of the wood. "To the most beautiful goddess" she read out loud to the suddenly quite party. Athena reached over and plucked it out of the Queen's hands, "Obviously, this goes to me," she said, primping. Aphrodite sneered, "_You_ you piglet? _I'm_ the goddess of love and beauty, obviously it goes to _me_!" She attempted to snatch it out of her hands. "I don't know how you became goddess of beauty," Athena sneered, "With that forehead of yours!" Hera reached over and easily yanked it away from them.

"I'm the queen of the Gods, it goes to me." she said firmly, daring them to argue. Though they didn't take the hint and the quarrel continued. Finally, it was decided that someone else should judge them. So, naturally, they turned to Zeus, who had been watching them nervously for the past few minutes.

"Which one of us is the most beautiful," Tsunade asked dangerously. Zeus squirmed under the gaze of the three goddesses. Desperately, he looked towards the other two gods that were with him to help, only to find that they had scrambled off while the argument was underway.

Cowards

"Well... uh..." He swallowed, there had to be a way out of this! As a last act of desperation, he looked down to earth, and at once spotted his victim.

"Who am I to judge the three of you," he said solemnly, "Why not choose someone more... neutral... then I am, like that kid." He pointed downwards at some blond boy dressed in orange peasant clothes sitting in a field, eagerly eating a bowl of ramen.

The three, accepting that Zeus wasn't going to choose, immediately ascended down to the boy that was happily munching on his all time favorite food.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Paris ((Naruto...hee hee...)) was enjoying his time outside the stuffy city of Troy eating ramen in the fields full of sheep. Not many people in the royal court understood the mindless joy there was in stuffing your mouth full of long and delicious noodles.

He was halfway done when a completely life changing event happened.

Something hit Paris in the back of the head, he quickly grabbed before it blew away again. His eyes widened. A WHOLE BOOKLET FULL OF FREE RAMEN COUPONS!! Now he didn't have to ask anyone for money for a looong time!!

Oh, and right after that, he was visited by three goddesses.

The busty blond one introduced herself as Hera queen of the gods, another blond one introduced herself as Athena, goddess of wisdom and war, and the last pink haired one introduced herself as Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty.

"Okay, here's the deal kid," Hera said, "This golden kunai was said to be given to the most beautiful, but we can't decide who it is, and our King of Gods managed to worm his way out of this decision, so it was decided that you should choose."

Paris blinked,"You want me to choose which one of you is prettier?" He asked, getting a good look at each of them, "It's gonna be very hard, your all pretty." The three goddesses, thinking that this meant that he wanted to be bribed, began to make offers.

"Choose me, and I will give you power over all over Asia Manor," Hera said, crossing her arms across her large chest. "Choose me and I will give you wisdom in battle, it's obvious you need it," Athena said, giving him a charming smile. Aphrodite didn't like the way the boy was looking at Athena and decided to make an offer he couldn't refuse, "Choose me and I will give you the worlds most beautiful women," seeing that he wasn't interested, she added; "And ramen." Paris' eyes immediately whipped to her.

"Oh! oh! Her! Her!" Paris yelped, pointing excitedly at the pink haired goddess as he danced around. Aphrodite smirked at the other two as they disappeared in a huff. She walked over and picked up the golden kunai Hera had left behind.

Then she too vanished.

Paris stood frozen in mid-dance as he stared at the spot where the goddesses were a few seconds previously. He couldn't believe it, the goddess Aphrodite forgot something very, very important.

"WHERE'S MY RAMEN?!"

**Does everything fit so far? **

**Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDiedara ApolloKisame Poseiden**

**Tsunade Hera Ino Athena Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris**

**Orochimaru HadesTobi Hermes**

**And as a spoiler:**

**Shikamaru Odysseus (obviously)Temari Penelope (don't worry, she has another role too)**

**Lee (he has two roles, I ain't gonna tell you which) -evil demonic laughter-**

**Okay, so why did I choose three members of the Akatsuki? I dunno, they seemed sadistic enough XD Strangely enough, I wanna continue this story whether or not I get any reviews!! I must be coming down with something...**


	2. Chapter 2

Day in a life of:

**Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDeidara ApolloKisame Poseiden**

**Tsunade Hera Ino Athena Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris**

**Orochimaru HadesTobi Hermes**

**Shikamaru Odysseus (obviously)Temari Penelope (don't worry, she has another role too)**

**Lee (he has two roles, I ain't gonna tell you which) -evil demonic laughter-**

Paris stomped irritably home. Not only did that Goddess forget about his ramen, he somehow managed to lose his ramen coupons.

He approached Troy, on foot, and grumbling. He walked. Ignored peasants. Walked. Ignored the guards. Walked. Ignored Kassandra ((Tenten XDD)), but then again, everyone ignored Kassandra. And was stomping down the hall when:

"PARIS MY YOUTHFUL... BROTHER?"

**(( 47 (me, not my age): yes, he's your brother. Half brother actually... **

**Lee: Why?**

**47: cause I said so, now continue on!**

**Lee: Just a question: Why won't you let my read about my role later on?**

**47: Because... it's for you own good -shifty eyes-))**

Paris turned around to see... um... King Priam's seventh child of his first wife... making him the heir to the throne... somehow... "Hi Hektor," Nar-Paris said dully. Hektor ((Lee)), who had been running at him from one end of the hall (these halls were very, very long) skidded to a halt right in front of... Priam's fourth son to... seventh wife... **((Dear God, that's one busy king))**

"What is wrong my beloved brother? You look like your springtime of youth completely deserted you!" The jumpsuit-wearing prince gave the depressed, ramen-eating prince a thumbs up and a blinding white smile. You can't be a prince and not spend some money on your teeth after all.

"Bad luck," Paris grumbled, turning away from Hektor with a sigh. "I blame my no good, dirty, rotten, pig stealing, great-great grandfather,"

Deciding to ignore the confusing reference, Hecktor continued on, "Well, I know something that will cheer you up my dear brother! A ship just came into the harbor and has sold us all of its cargo for an extremely cheap price! Why this is, no one knows! They said something about a goddess" Paris gave his weird half brother a weird look, "And this is suppose to cheer me up how?" Hektor gave another blinding smile, "The cargo, all two tons of it, is ramen!" The blond haired youth froze. "R-r-ramen? T-Two T-t-tons?!"

"Yes! Our youthful father bought it with your name in mind! They're loading it right-" Hektor stopped when he realized that the hyperactive prince was no longer around.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"FATHER!"

"YES MY YOUTHFUL SON?"

"PARIS LIKED YOUR GIFT TO HIM!"

"EXCELLENT! WOE BE ME IF HE HAD NOT ENJOYED MY EXTRAVAGANT GIFT TO MY SECOND FAVORITE SON!"

"WHO IS YOUR FIRST FAVORITE MY OH-SO-YOUTHFUL FATHER?"

"WHY YOU ARE MY YOUTHFUL HEKTOR! MY GREATEST WARRIOR! MY ALL TIME FAVORITE SON!"

"FATHER!"

"HEKTOR!"

"FATHER!"

"HEKTOR!"

"FATHER!"

**((47: Doesn't seem to work the same way does it? Ah well. The two of them have yet to feel any pending doom -cackles-))**

This went on for another five minutes, all members of the court were very much used to this, so they didn't blink an eyelid when a scene of a golden sunset on ocean waters magically appeared behind the green jumpsuit-wearing boy with a bowl cut, and the green jumpsuit-wearing man with a bowl cut.

"If you are a king, why make such an undignified scene?" A voice asked them dryly from the shadows. Hektor turned and frowned at his brother Deiphobos who glared at the two of them with his red eyes. "We are youthful Deiphobos," Hektor said stiffly. Deiphobos ((Itachi)) was the eldest son of Priam, nevermind that they look nothing alike, was greatly disliked by most of the court and was not named Heir because his father didn't really like him either.

**((Itachi: Why is this?**

**47: Because I don't really like you, that's why.**

**Itachi: ... ))**

"Hmph," Deiphobos said, bowing his head while giving the heir a look that promised him a painful and humiliating death.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Far far away from Asia Manor-

**(( Sakura: -comes in and whacks 47 in the back of the head- YOU JUST HAD A REVIEW THAT SAID THAT IT WAS ASIA **_**MINOR**_** NOT MANOR!! DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN!?**

**47: -sits down and starts crying like a two year old-**

**Sakura: ...**

**47: your mean, I don't like you either! Maybe I should make you do the role of Iphigenia for my own sadistic pleasure!**

**Sakura: OO**

**47: Your lucky though, the role is already given to -loud crashing in background- and it doesn't really work otherwise.**

**Gaara: I have a bad feeling about this))**

-Ahem- Far far away from Asia **Minor** in Greece. Okay, so it wasn't _that_ far, but anyway... There was currently a mad scurrying to get to the palace where there lived the most beautiful women in the world: Helen.

Right now, Helen was meeting suitors for her hand in marriage. With bright blue eyes, smooth flawless face, and silky light blond hair that she kept up in a long pony tail, she was without a doubt, the MBWITW (most beautiful women in the world, it's gonna be tiring to write it all the time.)

She was also getting rather bored, she met suitor after suitor after suitor... it swelled her ego to hear each of them exclaim to her how all other beauty dimmed compared to hers. She never got tired of hearing it. But honestly, her legs were seizing up after hours of sitting.

Her father greeted them all with enthusiasm (although not enough to destroy is dignity.) Tyandarus looked a lot like her, although nowhere _near_ as pretty, with his blond hair tied back into a ponytail and blue eyes ((at least I think they're blue.)) Although he had this annoying tendency to end his sentences with "un" or "yeah"

Helen ((Ino)) watched as Diomedes, a chubby but good looking man ... boy... with two red swirls on his cheeks (the face people. The face) and on his head he wore a headband that looked like a pair of panties that parted his brown hair that seemed to defy gravity.

**((Ino: Hold on a moment! I'm Helen, right? The MBWITW?**

**47: Yes, I always thought that you were the prettiest out of all the kunoichi, although Haku threatens to surpass you...**

**Ino: -ignores- But if I'm pretty enough to be Helen, how is it I didn't win the Golden Kunai when I was Athena?**

**47: Umm... uh... **

**Ino: -glares-**

**47: Alright, it would have made more sense to make you Aphrodite, and forehead girl Athena, but I wanted to establish a slight Ino/Shikamaru/Temari triangle that people seem to find amusing. Now can we continue on?**

**Ino: ... ))**

"King Diomedes, it's great that you have come to see my daughter! Yeah." Tyandarus ((lol, Deidara)) said bowing slightly. Diomedes gave Helen a sweet, adorable smile, "Wouldn't miss it for the world," he said warmly.

Last to arrive, late as always, was the mighty King of Kings, silver-haired Agamemnon and his super scary brother, Menelaos. After greeting Tyandarus in his usual causal drawl, he sat down in the nearest chair and pulled out his sacred book. This book was given to him by the King of Gods himself, and nobody but the masked Agamemnon ((Kakashi)) was allowed to read. People always wondered what a book from the mighty Zeus would hold. Many thought secrets of the world, or else stories of the old and forgotten.

Although Helen wondered what in the book would make Agamemnon giggle and blush the way he did.

Agamemnon's brother was the scariest person that Helen had ever seen, half of his body was white, the other half black, and his hair was green. If that wasn't enough, he appeared to have two half sea shells sprout from his shoulders and smelled of bloodlust. Helen pretty much thought that it would be a sad, sad day when she got married to Menelaos ((Zetsu, don't ask me how that works out.))

They all sat down to start the feast, and seeing as all one hundred and one guests at the table were men, it was a loud, dangerous, and dirty affair. Although a figure suddenly entered the room and made his way towards the head of the table.

Diomedes stood up and strode over to the black haired man who had his hair up in a ponytail (made him look a bit like a pineapple) and gave him a rib crushing hug. "Glad to see you," Diomedes said in a deep, pleasing voice. Agamemnon looked up from his book and smiled, "Odysseus! Please, join us," He offered Odysseus ((Shikamaru, though I don't really need to tell you that)) a seat next to his. The bored looking man nodded and sat down next to the King of Kings like it was no big deal.

"Quite a turn out you got here," The King of Ithaka said to Tyandarus, his brown eyes scanning the hundred and one diners, "To bad, you have to choose one, and refuse many. Hate to be in your shoes." Tyandarus sighed and nodded, "Yes, I suppose your here also to fight for Helen's hand? yeah?" To Helen's shock, Odysseus shook his head, "Women are troublesome, although, I will help you out of this dilemma if I get a favor in return." Both Tyandarus and Agamemnon looked at the black-haired warrior/genius with interest, "Ask" Tyandarus commanded.

Odysseus gave a weary smile, "I ask for Penelope, the Wind Princess, the daughter of your brother Tyandarus." Helen's father looked surprised, but he shrugged, "Shouldn't be a problem. Un?" The black haired King smiled, then he leaned forward and made a circle with his hands. After a few minutes, he looked up at the two Kings with a clever smile on his face, "I have a solution," He said simply.

**Lol, this is fun in it's own way.**

**Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDeidara Apollo/TyandarusKisame PoseidenTsunade Hera Ino Athena/Helen**

**Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris Orochimaru Hades Tobi Hermes Shikamaru OdysseusTemari Penelope/**

**Lee Hektor/ Gai Priam Kakashi Agamemnon Zetsu Menelaos Chouji DiomedesItachi Deiphobos**

**Tenten Kassandra/**

**Spoilers:**

**Kabuto Kalches Haku Helenos**

**I have a very dry, and sometimes twisted sense of humor (As you will eventually see,) not the clever, bright humour that people often like in fics like these. Though if I want lessons in randomness, I could always watch Family Guy... And for Zetsu, I thought "Who should be Menelaos?" At first, I thought, Kiba, then Kisame, then Itachi... then my one reviewer wanted more Akatsuki members, so I thought "Zetsu!" Also for Helen, I considered Hinata, and even Haku, but decided on Ino in the end, just because. Ooh Ooh! Guess who Gaara is!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Randomness

**Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDeidara Apollo/TyandarusKisame PoseidenTsunade Hera Ino Athena/Helen**

**Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris Orochimaru Hades Tobi Hermes Shikamaru OdysseusTemari Penelope/**

**Lee Hektor/ Gai Priam Kakashi Agamemnon Zetsu MenelaosChouji DiomedesItachi Deiphobos**

**Tenten Kassandra/Kabuto KalchesHaku Helenos**

**Although I don't show him in this chapter, I'd like to explain about why I made Chouji Diomedes. I was reading **_**The song of troy**_** and I came across a scense between Diomedes and Odysseus. Diomedes came to Odysseus had a conversation, and during that conversation, Diomedes told Odysseus that he thought that the dude was the most dangerous man in the entire army. And Odysseus reply was pretty much 'I am who I am' I thought that sounded a little familiar, so I went through my Manga, and lo and behold, I found a scene very similar between Shikamaru and Chouji. I just had to do this, there was no other way.**

**And thanks to my lone reviewer, I promise in my next chapter, I'll remember your name. (No internet access during the time I was typing this)**

**Declaimer: I don't own Naruto, or anything that has to do with Troy.**

Helenos sat wearily down, and tried to calm his crazy sister, who was sprouting some nonsense about the destruction of Troy. Helenos ((Haku)) had more then once been mistaken for a women (a very beautiful women going by the catcalls of the men) and he personally found it irritating.

The girly looking boy often wondered why anyone even bothered keeping Kassandra around, it's not like anyone, their father Priam least of all, paid any attention to her or anything she said.

"Do not let the horse in! It will mean Troy's inevitable destruction!"

Oh, yes, she was crazy. And she was also his twin.

**((Haku: Um, we look nothing alike**

**47: I know! Your prettier then Tenten, but I think that we can-**

**Tenten: What?!**

**47: Well he is. I would have made him Helen if it weren't for the fact that she has children, and Haku, being male, is incapable of having any. Although... seeing as I AM the author(ess)...**

**Haku: ... I'm happy with my role, thank you...**

**47: WHAT?! Your **_**happy**_** with your role!? Now, now, that just won't do...**

**Haku: -is wishing he hadn't said anything-))**

Both of them were seventeen, and when they turned twenty, they will be handed over to one of the priests of Apollo; Kalchas. The god that they were born to serve. It was fate. It was destiny. It was also a bunch of bullcrap. Apollo wasn't even a very nice god. Why do they worship him?

Helenos got up wearily, and left his crazy sister sitting in her room, shouting warnings and such. Despite the fact that no one was interested in hearing them.

"The redheaded warrior will mean the ENNDD of our great prince and warrior Hektor!! Beware of the MBWITW!! And-!"

"WILL SOMEONE SHUT HER UP?!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

His father, Priam, had given Helenos a very specific job; It was to locate and bring five princes (including himself) and a priest to the throne room for a meeting. What it was about, Helenos didn't honestly know.

He located Paris happily scarfing down his disgusting ramen on his balcony that overlooked the city (actually, all the balconies overlook the city). After telling him about Priam's message, the pretty prince went to find Deiphobos. Helenos' least favorite half brother.

Deiphobos was standing on his own balcony, glaring hatefully down at Troy as though he wanted to set the whole place on fire. Helenos approached him timidly and gave his message, and darted away when it was given.

The other two, Troilos and Ilios, were both seven years old, what Priam wanted with these two was a complete mystery to him. Due to the fact that these characters were so young, and Udon and whatshisface were being used for something else in the story, the roles of Troilos and Ilios were given to Neji and Sai instead. But seeing as neither are youngsters, the author(ess) had decided to use Chibi powder on both of them so that their sizes were more acceptable.

**((Chibi Neji: WTF?**

**47: Well...**

**Chibi Sai: Well what?**

**47: Don't worry, your roles later on will be... a little more dignified.**

**Chibi Neji: ...**

**47: I'm perfectly aware that my response was neither clever nor funny in any way. My humor only comes to me when I'm high on sugar... And I haven't had anything with chocolate in it in over two weeks.**

**Hinata: How the hell do you live?!**

**47: Okaaaay... OOC much...?**

**Hinata: -Blushes-**

**47: And just so you know Hinata, YOU AND NARUTO WILL NEVER BE!!**

**Hinata: -runs away sobbing-**

**Chibi Neji: That was unnecessarily harsh.**

**47: I don't like Hinata (I think that it might be a first) her timidness grinds my nerves.**

**Kankuro: Do you like any of the Kunoichi?**

**47: of... of course.**

**Kankuro: Name the ones you like then.**

**47: Well... there's... um... I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!!))**

And lastly, the priest. Helenos approached the temple and entered. Bowing his respect, he addressed the priest... respectfully (and the author(ess) does think that that this somewhat clever, go figure right?). Kalches ((Kabuto)) had grey hair and wore glasses, but he couldn't have been more then twenty years old. Extremely clever and a master of deceit, Kalches was very influential and respected.

Helenos didn't trust him one bit. Give him a good reason, and he'll turn his back to Troy and everything he had worked for. And he'd do it saying that Apollo told him that it was the right thing to do.

The prince bowed several times, gave his message, and accompanied the Priest to Priam's throne room.

When they got there, Helenos was relieved that everyone he had talked to hadn't skipped out.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Paris stood happily with a bag over his shoulder, keeping a close eye on his ramen that was-

**((Chibi Neji: Hold on a minute, aren't you going to show the meeting?**

**47: Obviously not**

**Chibi Neji: Then what was the point of the chibi powder!? Neither of us even got any lines. And what if the readers-**

**47: I'm gonna assume that my readers are intelligent people and know what the meeting is about. And I was too lazy to type it out.**

**Chibi Sai: ...**

**47: But for those people that don't know; During the meeting, Priam (Gai) Hector (Lee) made many proclamations of youth. Paris, Helenos, and the two chibi's did whatever, and Kalches stood there and made traitorous plots in his mind... and Deiphobos did what he did best. In the end, Paris was sent to Troy in hopes of bringing back Praim's sister whatshername who was abducted several years ago...**

**Lee: You keep using that scary unyouthful laugh whenever you say my name, what's that about?**

**47: You'll see, you'll see... -cackles-))**

That... that was... damn, I lost the thread of the story... -searches- oh, right, here it is.

Paris stood happily with a bag over his shoulder, keeping a close eye on his ramen that was being loaded on to a fine, princely ship. It was his mission to bring back his aunt. Hesione ((Kurenai))was kidnapped from Troy the day he was born by Telamon ((Asuma XD)) and was taken away to Greece. Paris was excited at the prospect of adventure. And he always liked the sea. Paris had been told over and over again who he was going for, yet for the life of him, he just couldn't remember.

He approached the ship with his big stupid grin on his face, all of his teeth flashing, when his foot nudged against a small bag of what appeared to be some kind of powder that was sitting beside some large crates. Curious, he bent over and picked the brown drawstring pouch up and opened it. Inside there was some bland looking white stuff. He took a fist full and held it up to his face and breathed deeply. It was like nothing he had ever smelled before. And no, it wasn't weed, heroine, or anything of the sort for those who are wondering.

As if by some act of one of the Gods, or perhaps a crazy Author(ess), the drawstring pouch suddenly slipped from the blond haired boy's fingers.

POOF

Paris suddenly found himself a whole three feet smaller then he was originally, his head and body were rounder, his eyes freakishly big, and his limbs were pathetically short. He turned and stared down at the pouch (which lay innocently on the deck) as though it was a mutilated corpse. Or worse, and something from the Pet Semetary.

Suddenly, a girl wearing clothes completely inappropriate for the time came walking past the ships looking this way and that. She appeared to be seventeen, standing five foot eight (she was considerably taller then most women in her area) with black hair in ponytail, rimless glasses, tanned skin, and guyishly broad shoulders, this lady would probably be considered a freak of some kind in that age.

She appeared to be speaking to a equally freaky looking large dog that trotted beside her. The dog was a apricot color, she wore a Afro on her head and had a large poof on the end of her very short tail. (Yes, she's a poodle) The conversation went something like this:

"I could swear that I had it in my pocket!"

"Woof!"

"Yes, my pocket has holes in it, but not enough for the bag to slip through!"

"Arf Grr?"

"On Neji and Sai a couple hours ago..."

"Woof arf"

"You have no right to criticize me."

"Woof."

"Spokesperson?! YOU'RE A F(BLEEP)ING DOG!!"

It was enough for Paris to conclude that this girl was very much crazy. Wanting to get away, he turned and frantically tried to make a break for the ship. But seeing as he was barely two feet tall, he couldn't run very fast. It was unfortunate of the chibi that Misty was a vicious poodle that liked attacking things her own size and smaller. She also liked chasing people, especially if they were on bikes. And the elderly (no animal control came for her because the Author(ess) disappeared before the lady got a good look at them. And really, who would confess to being attacked by a sweet looking poodle?). But the world doesn't have to worry, the Author(ess)'s psychotic poodle is usually on a leash.

Too bad for Paris that this time she wasn't.

"AHHHH!!" He screamed as he ran comically, waving his little arms around, as a large poodle came snarling down on him.

WHAM

He was caught instantly and flipped over on his back like a helpless turtle. He looked up in terror at the wolflike face that replaced the pretty poodle face that she usually had. Squeaking, he kicked out at her, catching her in the muzzle. Misty, unused to her prey fighting back, yelped and backed off slightly. The owner, the weird looking girl, walked up to him and glared at him angrily.

"HOW DARE YOU KICK MY DOG YOU STUPID LITTLE CHIBI!!"

Because the Author(ess) is kinda dense, it didn't occur to her until five minutes later that odds are, Paris (Naruto) could have told her about where her lost chibi powder went.

At the time of this realization, Paris was on his ship, hiding below deck. He was still chibi sized, and it seemed unlikely that he would be changing anytime soon.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Helen sighed as she sat in her palace which apparently is in Amyklai. The MBWITW was more then a little depressed, after all, who wouldn't be after being married to Menelaos for seven months?

**((Chibi Sai: Isn't Helen married to Menelaos for seven years before she meets Paris?**

**47: Yes, but I didn't think anyone, Ino least of all, would be able to survive seven years with Zetsu.**

**Chibi Sai: And when will this Chibi powder wear off?**

**47: When I want it- HANG ON!! How did you know about Helen and Menelaos?!**

**Chibi Sai: ... I found your book on the floor, and your character list. Interesting what you have planned for Lee...**

**47: You know too much... Misty!**

**Misty: Woof? (Yes?)**

**47: Have this chibi take you for a walk. A long one.**

**Misty: Arf woof grrrr! (I want that piece of roast beef you promised me)**

**47: That a girl! And when you get back, I'll give you a nice piece of roast beef!**

**Lee: -is scared-))**

Still, she was hardly left without anything to do. Actually, she could do whatever the hell she wanted. As Queen, it was her right. She could walk down the street and there would be the poor commoners there to worship the ground she walked on, to admire her considerable beauty, and do whatever third thing there was.

And she wasn't expected to sleep with the scary brother of the King of Kings. At least, not yet. But she was the Queen, and he was King, there needed to be children. Of course, everyone understood why she didn't want to get in bed with this freak, so they didn't pressure her into it.

But it was inevitable, and it scared her.

A random servant came in, telling her that her court was getting ready to receive a guest, and that she was to get dressed up. Which cheered her up immensely. She sent the servant off (The servant wore a strange orange mask over his face for some reason) and called in a few servants (female) because she was too lazy to get her own bitchass dressed.

When they were done, she examined herself skeptically in the mirror, of course, she could look good in anything. But as Queen, it was her reasponsibility to look perfect, to make up for her husbands (she inwardly shuddered) _lack_ of... everything.

Deeming herself worthy she swept past her servants without a single 'Thank you', and the ungrateful bitch headed towards the front halls to greet this guest.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The reason that most of the people that lived in the palace were so physically fit was because it was a mile long hike to get from your room to the bathroom. With exception of the Royal quarters. But everyone else wasn't so lucky. Of course, even Queen Helen had to suffer a long walk from her room to the front halls. She arrived to her destination panting slightly. She had hurried and was beat. Taking a moment to compose herself she entered with her head held up high and she strode in with her traditional Greek attire-

**((Ino: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!**

**47: Problems?**

**Ino: These clothes!! They aren't decent!!**

**47: Well, I was going to have you in your regular clothes, y'know, the type you wear in the manga and so forth**

**Ino: So why didn't you?!**

**47: Well, Jiraiya pointed out that it would be far more accurate to have you wear clothes that would be worn at that time, and since that made perfect sense-**

**Tsunade: And you listened to that pervert?! -is also wearing greek style clothing-**

**Hinata: -faints-**

**Sakura: -cracks fists-**

**Anko: -struts around-**

**Kurenai: ...**

**Jiraiya: -perverted sniggering-**

**Sakura: WHY THE HELL IS THAT PERVERT TAKING NOTES!? **

**47: -is wearing t-shirt and jeans- Well, it's hard for me to keep track of everything, so Jiraiya volunteered to take notes for me.**

**Tsunade: I'll bet he did. -murderous glare-**

**Jiraiya: -smirks and stands next to 47-**

**47: Hey, you aren't the only ones that are shirtless -swoons-**

**Kankuro, Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Naruto, Deidara, Orochimaru, ect...: -are all shirtless and in those Greek skirts... with exposed legs...-**

**Girls and Author(ess): OO -slight drooling-**

**Guys: -nosebleeds, even Orochimaru-**

**47: Y'know Jiraiya, this was a great idea.**

**Jiraiya: Thank you, I live to inspire others. -is also in Greek style clothing-**

**47: I'd just like to say to my readers that I always thought that Jiraiya does well for himself, considering how old he is... -oogles at big, well muscled chest-**

**Jiraiya: And I'd just like to point out, as your new assistant, that the best fanfictions have more naked women in it, and this one is seriously lacking...**

**47: -forgets that she doesn't have an assistant, new or otherwise- I'll think about it -smiles cluelessly as people frantically shake their heads in background- As long as all the guys are shirtless, I'm happy.**

**Jiraiya: -smiles shrewdly- well... us guys will only stay shirtless as long as the women do...**

**47: Oh, well. As my assistant -tries to remember ever getting an assitant- it's your job to make sure that there are no wardrobe changes. Can I trust you with that?**

**Jiraiya: Oh, yes. I swear I'll use all my power as a sannin on this important task you've given me.**

**47: Oh, good. At least there's someone trustworthy around here -walks away leaving all kunoichi looking traumatized-))**

- And saw a very, very tiny figure standing at the foot of the stairs. Her husband (she shivered) was standing beside him. Putting on a perfect smile, she decended gracefully and got a better look at the tiny figure. Standing barely to her hip, he had (-insert chibi description-) and was remarkably cute.

Unseen by anyone there, a pink haired figure suddenly appeared right beside the MBWITW. Aphrodite (Sakura for those people who forgot) wore a very covering robe that totally hide what little figure she had.

**((Jiraiya: Wh-what??**

**Sakura: -punches-))**

And knew that not even the will of Zeus will be able to get it off of her. The Goddess of Love and Beauty had a job to do: Get this whore to fall in love with clueless Paris. Shouldn't be hard; Right now the blond was smaller and cuter then he ordinarily was. And Helen's husband...? Seriously, who wouldn't want to get away from _that_? He looked like something Hades created.

Though she knew perfectly well that the prince of Troy was completely devoid of tact, and this women was extremely fussy, she had to do it. A bit of love powder (Potion is sooo last millennium) should make whatever the princely dunce do absolutely charming in the eyes of the Queen. Taking out a pink pouch from her belt, she drew it out and threw it in Helen's face.

Helen coughed suddenly, she suddenly found herself covered in brownish powder. Her eyes started watering in pain and she began to sneeze and cough uncontrollably.

'Oops' Aphrodite thought, 'Wrong pouch...', pulling out a blue pouch, she checked it and found that it was the lover powder she wanted... But she had put this in the pink pouch, and the chili powder in the blue pouch... And why the Goddess of love is carrying around Chili powder when the Author(ess) isn't even sure that they had chili back then is anyone's guess.

Taking a fist full of another type of white powder, she threw it at the MBWITW, and then quickly threw some at the little chibi.

Helen received another spontaneous bout of powder in her face, this time it was white. Still coughing and sneezing from the first horrible powder, she tripped on the dress her servants had worked hard to look nice, and fell clear off the steps, completely defying the laws of gravity seeing as she seemed to have fallen ten feet forwards without hitting a stair.

Little Paris, who wasn't bright enough to be intimidated by King Menelaos, saw the pretty lady fall off the stairs in a rather confusing fashion. He watched her, and realized too late that she was about to land right on top of him. He squealed, and made a run for the door. But as demonstrated with the freaky looking dog, chibis can't run very fast.

WHAM

Helen sat up, rubbing her bottem, while the landing was greatly cushioned, it still hurt. And the worlds most beautiful Queen was unaccustomed to hurt. There was a groan under her, and she got up, revealing a fully squashed little chibi.

She leaned over and peeled him off the floor, "Are you okay?" She asked, flicking him like a mat, causing him to take his former shape. "Yeah..." He said, looking adorable as his eyes uncrossed.

"Due to the laws of Hospitality," Menelaos said, completely unconcerned with that fact that his wife could have broken her neck, "We will be having a banquet, which was prepared within the time it took you to fall." He lead them over to a door that Helen was sure wasn't there this Morning.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Quite a ways from the palace, but still in Greece, a black clothed figure wearing purple war paint on his face yawned. "Do you get the feeling that something big is about to happen Achilles?" He asked a not-so-myserious red haired figure. "Yes Ajax," The red head said in a dry voice, "What of it?" Ajax shrugged, "I dunno, I just wanted to throw that out there." He stood up and stretched, "I'm heading for Amyklai" He said, packing his stuff. Achilles would have raised an eyebrow, or both, if he had any.  
"Why?" He was a man of few words.

"Because," Ajax said, throwing his pack over his shoulder, "Just a feeling."

**Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDeidara Apollo/TyandarusKisame PoseidenTsunade Hera Ino Athena/Helen**

**Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris Orochimaru Hades Tobi Hermes/ Shikamaru OdysseusTemari Penelope/ Random servant**

**Lee Hektor/ Gai Priam Kakashi Agamemnon Zetsu MenelaosChouji DiomedesItachi Deiphobos**

**Tenten Kassandra/Kabuto KalchesHaku Helenos Gaara Achilles Kankuro Ajax DXAsuma Telamon**

**Kurenai HesioneSai Ilios Neji Troilos/ **

**Pah, the wait was long, and alot of my fic is unnecessary. Ah well :P I tried to balance it between serious, and nonsense, and since I'm a little more serious then silly, I'm guessing it leaned more that way. Again, ah well. Next chappie I'll explain clearly what exactly I have planned for Lee, and why my sense of humour is so twisted.**

**Deleted Scenes:**

It was a large gathering, all the people that Helenos had gotten were there. Priam smiled, he knew that he could depend on the his youthful son. Though he couldn't remember if the girly looking boy was a son of one of his Queens, or of his many concubines. Hektor stood beside him, they beamed at each other, causing the people around them to look away from the brightness of their youth. For Priam to talk about youth is... ironic? Strange? According to the Author(ess)'s sources, Priam was about eighty. But a very youthful eighty.

The priest came, Priam wasn't fully convinced that he would.

"Greetings all!" He said cheerfully. Deiphobos, his most unyouthful son, gave a arrogant sniff, but everyone else nodded in acknowledgment. "I know you are wondering why I brought you all here" Deiphobos gave a snort of disgust, not like he had anything better to do, "Many years ago, the day Paris was born to be exact, my beloved sister Hesione was kidnapped by the disgraceful Telamon." He left it at that, no need for them to know about the lion, Herakles, and whatever else there was. "I want someone to go to Salamis to get her back." There was a silence, "Don't all volunteer at once," He said dryly, "There isn't room for all of you."

"Can we go?" Ilios((Sai)) asked with total ooc seeing as the Author(ess) doesn't know much about Sai. "We'll be happy to do it father," Troilos chirped, his pale eyes and brown hair making him totally different from anyone of his family members. Priam smiled, "Oh, it gladdens my heat to see such youthful displays of youth! Alas! I cannot send you two across the sea, it would be irresponsible, though I can't talk responsibility seeing as I have a hundred children." He gave his 'nice guy' pose, which Hektor happily returned.

"Oh! Oh! Let me go Uber brows!" Paris piped up, dancing about in his usual youthful manner. "Very well," He said, "Paris will go." To his surprise, this was met with some scowls, "Father, I should go, I'm eldest," Deiphobos said, his eyes seemed to have gone red with rage. To everyone's surprise, he was backed up by Helenos, "Yes father, let Hektor go, Paris should stay here." Priam scowled, "I have made up my mind, Paris will go, it was his birthday after all." Which made perfect sense in his mind. After that Helenos threw himself into a short speech saying that Paris will mean the fall of Troy if he goes. The old king yawned and dismissed it, "Paris is going on this mission, and that is final." He said.

**Review! And if anyone wants a trained Chibi hunter (my dog) just call, we'll be happy to help.**


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